Recipes for the Weary
I don’t like to cook. I used to. When my kids were little, I took pride in every meal I made. I enjoyed the hunt for the best recipe, the shopping, the cooking, and the eating back when my kids ate anything I cooked. Now, if it’s not burritos, pizza, or McDonald’s, they don’t want to eat it, so I don’t want to cook it. If I didn’t have to cook another day in my life, I’d be okay with that.
I don’t even like food that much. If I could get by taking an everything pill with all the fruits and veggies, I would. But until then, and/or my kids are out of the house, here I am. If I had a personal chef, I would probably be vegetarian or vegan, but the likelihood of that happening is 0. Plus, I love bacon too much. It’s a pound a week, and it’s a problem.
I won’t bore you with family stories of how my great-grandmother passed down this recipe; when I see these recipes on the internet, I am silently screaming, “C’mon! Just give me the deets!” I’m tired and cranky and want to get to the meat of the thing. They are recipes that I’ve found work well anytime, require very few ingredients, and are so easy to make it will make you wonder why you even have a stove.
These are for all my single moms out there, or moms anywhere, because, let’s face it, we are all exhausted and could use a little comfort food and some extra time to go cry alone in the bathroom.
Salsa Chicken
4 Boneless Chicken Breasts, or Tenders-really any chicken w/o the bone
1 Cup Salsa
1 Pkg Taco Seasoning
1 Can Cream of Mushroom Soup
1/2 Cup Sour Cream
Add Chicken to Crock Pot, and sprinkle taco seasoning over chicken. Pour salsa and soup on top. Cook on low for 6–8 hours. Stir occasionally, but only if you feel like it. Turn the Crock Pot off and stir in sour cream. Serve over rice or whatever the hell you feel like. Done. If you’re feeling “extra,” you can throw in some black beans or corn if you want to get some veggies in there.
Pulled Pork
1 Pork Butt, Shoulder, or Picnic-whatever body part they’re selling that day
1 2 liter of Ginger Ale-you’ll use maybe half
1 Onion-white, red, yellow, or green-whatever you like, we’re inclusive here.
Throw the whatever pork in the Crock Pot. Slice onion over top. Pour Ginger Ale over the whole thing until it looks like it’s just keeping its head above water, kinda like us. Cook on low for 6 hours. Take it out, place it on a plate, and shred it like your fork just became your sword, and that slab of meat is your boss’s head. Pour the leftover Ginger Ale concoction down the sink with your hopes and dreams, and throw the pork back in the Crock Pot. Mix with your favorite BBQ sauce. Add some Ginger Ale if it’s too dry, or you can save some of the juice from the crock pot to pour back in-your choice. Slap it between a bun or bread, or eat it right out of the pot. Throw a bag of chips on the table, maybe an apple or two, if you want to feel like supermom. Dinner served.
Pot Roast
1 Beef Chuck Roast
1 Pkg Onion Soup Mix
1 Beef Bouillion Cube
1 Inclusive Onion-again, whatever tickles your fancy
A few potatoes (baby or cubed)
A lil Garlic Salt (however much your lil’ tastebuds crave)
A lil Onion Powder
*Mix the onion soup pkg with garlic salt and onion powder. Smear it all over the roast and start stabbing it like you’re murdering your annoying next-door neighbor. There’s a science to stabbing it. Don’t ask me why, but it just works-cooks throughout faster, keeps it from drying out? Anyway. Boil a cup or two of water until the bouillon cube is dissolved. Throw the roast in the Crock Pot on low, then throw in your onion, carrots, and potatoes. Pour the bouillion water over the whole thing. Ignore for 6–8 hours and voila! Serve it to your kids, who will make faces at the veggies and only eat the meat. Or make a sandwich with your favorite BBQ sauce or mayo while they eat a PB&J instead. Who cares? Because you technically cooked, and if they refuse to eat it, that’s their problem.
I hope one of these recipes gives you an extra night to chill or do whatever you want because you worked hard all day, and you deserve it. Standing over a stove for hours while you watch your family gobble it up in 5 minutes or not eat it at all is just not worth the effort anymore. Plus, dishes suck.
If I see a recipe with more than 5 or 6 ingredients, I’m out, that shit’s for chefs, and this ain’t a restaurant. I might get a little creative on weekends, but for most of the week I am looking for dinners that are cheap, easy, and will magically turn into leftovers that my kids won’t eat, but I will. I love a good leftover night.
Bon Appetite!
